Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Getting Ahead of Myself

Right now I feel rushed, anxious, and overwhelmed. And I've noticed some minor Obsessive Compulsive symptoms happening like pacing and thinking the same thought over and over. I feel like if I just focus and try harder that this feeling will go away (This a big part of the reason I sit Zazen every morning). It's nothing new, I've felt it on and off probably since the beginning of adolesence. In the past I've blamed our culture, school, my parents and so on about this. All of them, of course, play a factor. Anyway, it comes and goes. I've learned how to deal with it and have adjusted my lifestyle accordingly. As a child this was tough to deal with though. I had no idea what the hell was going on.

This all, of course, ties into Daniel Quinn's work. Ever since running across the sentence below it felt like there was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Someone had finally recognized my suffering and showed that others were going through the same thing. It also meant that I wasn't a defective product but the system that I was trying to conform to is.

"It's estimated that, since the days of my youth, depression among children has increased by 1000% and teen suicide by 300%."--Daniel Quinn, Pg. 180, Beyond Civilization

Looking back on my childhood it was pretty pathetic I understood what depression and anxiety were well before I was 12 years old. And from my perspective 25 years later I simply should not have been thinking about that at that age.

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